Blue Memory: A Poem

From “Blue Memory”

[ My wife and I had our own share of heartbreak at college…]

I tried to be free; she tried to be free.
We tried to take it off our minds.
But we could not stay apart, no;
We could not stay apart happy.

She could not find a guy
That understands her the way I do.
Deep down she wished I come back;
Deep down. But she’d let it be.

She tried to go for other guys;
And each time, I was secretly jealous.
Deep down I wished she comes back;
Deep down. But I’d let it be.

No, I was angry, I was hurt;
I was offended, I was jealous.
But I guess I missed her; guess I loved her.
I guess I wanted her back so badly!

I told Mike how deeply she had hurt me.
He said I could’ve cried the way I talked.
What were we fighting for?
Why were we fighting wars?

He passed my deep pain across to her.
But she told him how I had deeply hurt her.
And he said she talked amidst painful tears.
And he said all this was altogether stupid.

What are you fighting for?
Why are you fighting wars?
Stop all this madness, he said;
You two were the best pair!

And like the power of waves over flames,
She called me; she called me to talk.
It was with anger and ego I answered her call.
But damn it, I sat down beside her limp.

It was beside my friend I sat; my soul mate!
And my, that gaze that once soothes me in distress!
This was not a stranger or foe; my ego was stifled!
I sat weak and listened to a pained voice.

What were we fighting for?
Why were we fighting wars?
It was nothing in the end!
Only complicated assumptions!

I wanted to hit myself real hard.
I wanted to wash off this pain with tears.
‘I am sorry. Please, let it be like before again!’
‘I am sorry!’ she replied. ‘It can never be!’

It was pain I could not voice.
It was ache I could not tell.
It was pain, it was pain I felt.
No two loved like us!

Please come back to me, dear!
I missed you when you left me!
You missed me too, you know, you know!
Please, come right back, please!

To say the truth I missed you!
Damn ego, damn male pride—
All I want back is you!
Is you, is you, my best friend!

Love me again, love me again!
No two loved like us!
What will we do if we love?—
What did we do?

And she accepted me and decided to come back;
But she promised it will never be like before!
God, O God! (I cried in quiet solitude.)
Please God, bring back the times again!

Bring back the days; bring back the days
When it used to be two lovebirds walking
Two confidants talking, two souls loving—
Oh, bring back the good times again!

Can’t it be like yesterday? No, don’t leave me
With only a memory of the sweet days!
I’ll just have to travel back in memory to those times
And live there; live there for as long as I can!

It could be better, it could be sweeter;
Only give God the chance; give love the chance,
Give me the chance—and no two
Would ever love like we do!

—Kayode Taiwo Olla

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